Post 2 - The Youngins'

 

Photo by Inna Yashna on Unsplash

A Toast To:  My girls.
Song Pairing:  The Tragically Hip - "Ahead by A Century" (from the album, Trouble at the Henhouse, 1996).

There is a saying older than I am about not judging books by covers. There is an even more iconic version of this having to do with wine and labels. Squirrel moment - Daniel Levy, please know there will always be wine and a place at my table for you.

In true Red style I shall just get into it. I judge people. Always have. I was very clear in the About Me page of my blog that I would write without filter. With that often comes brutal honesty. First impressions are huge to me. My intuition is stronger than most, so generally my intention isn’t to judge but I can’t help it if my first impression of people is generally bang on. It’s all about a persons energy for me. Now do I ever fake it? Of course I do. I think it's unavoidable, especially today when speaking the truth can be dangerous. I have huge respect for people like my Prime Minister who spoke out at the World Economic Forum in Davos and anyone else who has balls of steel like his. I won’t be doing any of that but I will admit for many years I have judged younger generations. It started out strictly competitive, insisting Gen X was superior, which we are (wink wink) but in keeping to my belief of never shying away from admitting when I am wrong...let me just say I grossly misjudged these youngins'.

My circle of friends has never been big. I know a lot of people and I would consider myself somewhat social but I have a hard time trusting people and letting anyone completely in. This new “otrovert’ personality type speaks to me. The past twenty plus years has made me a Godmother, Aunt (biological and honorary) and forced me into a mentor role with new hires who are generally younger. I say forced because mentoring is part of my job description but even my management team knows I am one eye roll away from getting carted off to HR. Over my career I have worked with Boomers, Gen X alum, Gen Y, Z, and I have a few beautiful Alpha’s currently lighting up my world outside of work. It would make life much easier if everyone was an acquired taste that I enjoyed but a select few have done a stellar job in casting shade over their entire generation. Social media hasn't helped either but when has it ever?

The exact timing escapes me, perhaps a year ago, I walked into my office and sat down beside two young women named Faith and Natalie. Two beauties that looked at least half my age. I remember in the moment questioning under my breath why the heck I chose to take a seat beside them. We worked for the same manager, so I knew who they both were but nothing more. They were early into their careers so I being who I am, assumed instantly we had nothing common. I assumed a lot of ugly things. I gave them a courteous “hey, how are you” and figured that would be the end of our interaction. I may have also thought to myself I can move desks later. I have a bit of a reputation for being less than hospitable or approachable. Perhaps resting bitch face is a more accurate depiction. I’m not being harsh, people have told me that their first impression of me was said bitch. One of my closet friends admitted this to me something like ten years into our friendship. We still laugh about it. I hate that this is the face that greets people. I do try harder now to smile and appear awesome but I’m pretty sure I still give “fuck off’ vibes, just now it’s way more awkward looking. 

On this particular day, when I sat down beside these two colleagues, something felt different. Knowing now what I do about both of them I have to attribute the feeling to them just being really beautiful humans. I sensed they already had a good connection with one another but they also didn’t seem closed off to talking to me. Without being too nosey and eavesdropping I observed their interactions. It was hard not to. It was obvious they were engaged and determined to get work done but they were also playful and made each other laugh. I like to laugh so it was hard not to want to be in on their conversations. By mid-morning I felt like I had been given a day pass into their little work party. 

That one sit down lead to week after week of sitting together. We started texting in the mornings “save me a seat.” Not long after that Natalie randomly appeared on the same bus as me. Faith brought in homemade delicious oat milk, maple syrup lattes for us. There were baked goods shared, lunches together and breaks spent walking to Uniprix to pick up cans of Bubly and afternoon snacks. Natalie and I eventually ended up leaving work at the same time and busing home together. It was a very instantaneous and genuine connection between the three of us that still baffles me to this day. We all shared the same work ethic so that is definitely a big draw for me. Our workplace may have been how the three of us met but work was definitely not what bonded us. Very quickly it became apparent that the three of us shared a similar sense of humour and generally just got a kick out of each other’s company. We gossiped about others, made fun of each other, encouraged one another, shared experiences, celebrated wins, losses, good moments and some pretty sad ones too. The quality I cherished most was their ability to be as open, honest and as vulnerable as I am. I never felt left out around them. If anything I felt very much accepted.

At my age, I assumed that I would have all the wisdom to share. That I would have my shit together and could mentor these ladies but I quickly realized I was not there to teach them. I tear up just thinking about all that Faith and Natalie taught me and the joy they brought to my life in a year where I was falling apart rapidly in front of them. Not long after connecting with them, I made the decision to move out of my marital home. I returned to work after taking some time off to move into my new apartment. I stepped into the office and everything unexpectedly hit me - hard. The reality of moving out, being on my own again and not knowing the future of my marriage. Faith and Natalie met me with some cookies and a card that said “sometimes a hug is the only thing to say.” I completely lost it and sobbed. That card meant the world to me and still sits out on a shelf in my kitchen.

We had many beautiful conversations through the months that followed. Faith and Natalie shared as much as I did, which is one of my non-negotiable friend requirements. It made me happy knowing they trusted me with their innermost thoughts, experiences, hopes and fears. I struggled most, or that’s how it seemed to me but I know if I asked them they would say we all struggled equally during this time. It was only the challenges that differed between us. I joke about being old enough to be their Mom because they are both literally half my age. Half my age with more wisdom and insightfulness than I ever had at twenty-five. I may have shared some stories with them and maybe one day one of them comes in handy but they reminded me of the importance of generational gaps.

It excites me to no end, learning from all the youngins’ in my life today. I no longer think it’s weird that my nephew hates gossip. I love hearing the latest slang from my honorary niece and nephew. I listen so much more intently to my younger colleagues ideas and legitimately want to learn from them. Two years ago I was so close-minded and would boast about my generation being far superior. I had a lot of awful thoughts about younger generations being lazy, riding on coattails and expecting more for less. Faith and Natalie change all of that. What I have come to realized, is the generations that came after me, stress way less about shit that doesn’t matter, work smarter not harder, listen and observe more than we realize and are by far the most kind, openminded and accepting beings to ever walk this earth. If I didn’t have fifty years behind me, I might even think they are fearless. My generation, as much as we want to, don’t have a hope in hell of changing the state of the world as it spins today. The youngins’ do and I for one now have total Faith and Natalie in them (see what I did there?). 

Not long ago I worried so much about the future. Us Gen X'er's grew up with the messaging to "leave the planet better than we found it." I haven't given up but I still worry about the ones I love most being left behind in a big fucking mess. Faith and Natalie, or "the girls" as I call them, unknowingly reassured me that things are going to be okay. This is the true gift of our younger generations and this is why I as an X'er am no longer competing for top tier. It's time for gratitude and for another generation's star to shine.

RR

xo