Fifty Shades of Red

A Toast To: Keep on keeping on. Song Pairing: Serena Ryder "Better Now" (from the album, The Art of Falling Apart, 2021). Over the past year, I have lost about thirty pounds. I was this same weight in 2006 on my wedding day. The first one. I remember the number on the scale not being good enough back then. It was never good enough. Even today, being able to look at myself naked in front of the mirror more confidently than I ever have before, it’s still not enough. I don’t know that it ever will be, despite all the years and all that I have learned along the way. My mother birthed my nine-pound, thirteen-ounce ass, the good old-fashioned natural way, with ample drugs on board. In 1976, I was considered a big baby. Today, ten-pound kids seem to be more common. I blame processed foods, super-sizing, and Trump. I epitomized the pudgy-wudgy, chubby-cheeked, thunder thighs, roll-poly baby, except I one-upped all others and came out with a full head of red hair to boot. Pretty sure ...

A Toast To: Progress? Song Pairing: The Blue Stones "Come Apart" (from the album, METRO, 2025). Anxiety is a fucker. It's a thing I wish didn't exist. I am even annoyed with myself for giving it space on this page and more time than I already do. The fucker is with me most days, less so on good ones. With anxiety comes an expertise in the glorious world of mindfucking. Add in living alone and having a whole lot of time to myself, it's fucking wonder how or why I get my ass out of bed everyday. Definition of anxiety: 1a) apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impeding or anticipated misfortune b) an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate), by doubt concern the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it c) mentally distressing concern or interest  d) a strong desire sometimes mixed with doubt, fear, o...