Featured Post: 2026 - 1976 = 50

A Toast To:  Me. 

Song Pairing:  Mumford & Sons - “The Banjo Song” (from the album, Prizefighter, 2026).

Image Credit:  Personal Archives

Four days into the new year. Weeks of anxiety. December is not my friend but rolling into a new year always appeals to me. Of course there is the fantastical bit of it, fresh start, clean slate, new cycle and resolutions - if you are in to that kind of thing. I used to be, back when I believed in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and true love. The years have jaded me as you may be able to tell, the magic slowly being stolen over time. Funnily enough I am still a big dreamer, I want a lot of things, I am just very realistic and live my life expecting the worst but always, always hoping for the best. I am still waiting on the universe to prove my approach is flawed.   

According to the very basic numerology knowledge I have, I am entering Year 5:  Change and Freedom. Great. Felt like 2025 was pretty life changing but okay.  Apparently, personal year five means I am in for a wild ride which could be great, or not, depending on how I adapt. If I don’t want to be stressed then it is strongly suggested that I just go with the flow. A point of trying new things, especially those that feel really uncomfortable comes up repeatedly. A lot of change, adventure and new experiences will apparently align me. I am to be brave, extra creative and open.  More open? Jesus. Obviously the internet doesn’t know me very well. 

I have always been interested in astrology, my very first caregiver, Carol, introduced me to it and my stepmother read tarot. May I remind everyone reading, I disclosed my “big dreamer” status earlier. Though I take every publication and prediction with a slight eyeroll and ignore any unfavourable stuff, most of what I have learned has really resonated with me since my childhood. My whole life, I have incorporated people, interests and things until they no longer serve me well. It sounds harsh but this approach has never let me down. Call it intuition or gut instinct, either way it has never steered me wrong so I am not about to change. I am open to changing a lot of things to better myself but not something that has proven effective all these years. Astrology has always brought intrigue to my life, contributed wonder and honestly it makes sense to me. My destiny number (7) outlines my life/spiritual purpose as “uncovering knowledge and sharing insight with the world.” I was only reminded of this recently when reintroducing myself to the stars and moons. What struck me most in reading about number seven was this feeling for years that I needed to share my stories and it is exactly why I started this blog.

2026 is my fiftieth year in this world. I had always planned to embrace it, I have never feared aging but I wanted to do things differently and literally start anew. I did not expect to be going into it alone. I did not want to be starting this second half of my life single.  I grew up wanting all the things; popularity, good grades, a high school sweetheart, close family ties, respectable career, bungalow, marriage, maybe a child but definitely pets and a silver anniversary to prove I had achieved the dream. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that’s not who I am, nor does any of that make me happy. Instead, I have come to find out that I prefer solitude and I should see that as strength and not a weakness. I need inner peace and quiet times. I find my balance in nurturing relationships that fill my cup and feed my soul. The only way for me to stay grounded seems to be by living in the moment. I no longer want to live a life of preplanning. A few months ago I kept asking myself “how the fuck am I turning fifty and still not know what I am doing.” I honestly thought I would have had life figured out years ago and fitting into fifty would be the easiest transition I ever made. Not knowing made me incredibly sad, scared and I questioned every part of me. I felt shame, guilt and a massive sense of failure.  I was extremely resentful because I felt I had tried just as hard as everyone else and yet I found myself starting over for about the fourth time at forty-nine years old.

It has taken many many months of mindfucking, inhaling for three, exhaling for seven but I am finding clarity. I am accepting this version of me and doing my best to forgive myself for taking the road most travelled when I was meant to take the highway. I believed that love was about making another person happy. I thought a good relationship was being compatible, supportive and knowing how to compromise. I lost myself in every relationship I have ever been in because all I ever wanted was to make the other person happy. I believed if my partner was happy, I would be happy, even if it meant letting go of things that were important to me. So, despite fifty years going by, at least I have learned finally what not to do. I always thought putting myself first was selfish but now I know if I don’t I will never find happiness.

So for 2026…
I will look for opportunities to expand my experiences.
I will be brave and do more things that scare me.
I will try to put a positive spin on hardships that will no doubt come.  
I will travel to Italy solo to prove to myself that I can.  
I will cherish people in my life who make me feel seen, heard and most importantly safe. 

However, I don’t give a shit how much the spiritual universe might want me to skydive, it’s not happening. Ever.

RR

xo